Episode 10: Becoming perfectly imperfect with Laura Olsen
Show notes.
In this chat, Rick and Laura dig into perfectionism, being capable and the challenge this creates when needing to ask for help. They explore how this has shown up in the past for Laura and how she now responds differently.
This also discusses what self-support looks like compared to external support, the process of change, self-abandonment and a heap more.
This was a juicy one... enjoy!
Connect with Rick: https://rickwatson.com.au
Connect with Laura: https://LauraO.co
Keywords
podcast, personal growth, vulnerability, self-awareness, coaching, connection, inner child, support, authenticity, emotional intelligence, self-discovery, self-abandonment, perfectionism, vulnerability, connection, confidence, evidence, presence, silence
Transcript
Rick (00:01.38)
Laura Olson, welcome to the podcast.
Laura Olsen (00:05.385)
Watson, my dear Watson.
Rick (00:11.194)
Ha
How the hell are you?
Laura Olsen (00:18.825)
excited to be here. I've been looking forward to this.
Rick (00:21.115)
Yeah.
this is a, this is many firsts at once. There's a first video, there's a first online, there's a first international guests, very exotic. Welcome for being my many firsts.
Laura Olsen (00:36.955)
Ooh!
Laura Olsen (00:42.589)
Awesome, wow.
Rick (00:45.286)
Cool, that's fun.
Laura Olsen (00:45.777)
It feels like a...
I'm an honored guest. My ear is like, woohoo, look at me, look at me go.
Rick (00:54.444)
It's kind of like a normal Thursday for us, isn't it? Well, we'll get into where we are and the time and how we know each other and stuff. But I always like to start with a bit of a check-in. So as we sit here right now in this very present moment, how are you physically, mentally and emotionally?
Laura Olsen (01:15.913)
Hmm.
Laura Olsen (01:20.457)
I feel excitement. I feel a little warm. Nerves.
Laura Olsen (01:37.331)
Yeah, excited to be here. And a little...
Blank.
Like I'm very present moment. I'm feeling a little nervous on the edge.
Laura Olsen (01:58.217)
Plans are normally like my security blanket and so I feel like I'm well rested and for things we'll get into later I'm feeling a little blank. So that's, think that adds to the jitters.
Rick (02:15.75)
Yeah, cool.
not having the safety blanket of a plan.
Laura Olsen (02:21.257)
Microplan. Microplan. Like a little mini portable pocket post-it note size plan.
Rick (02:24.681)
Microphone.
Rick (02:30.662)
Yeah. I, I was talking to someone yesterday and they went on there, they went on a podcast for the first time and they got all the questions in advance. So they could like, they kind of had already like pre-prepared answers and that sort of stuff. And I'm like, yeah, this is not that this is the opposite of that. Sorry.
Laura Olsen (02:53.705)
I can see you like, don't even know what questions I'm gonna ask you.
Rick (02:58.347)
Yeah, I don't know the question chat, so it makes two of us.
Rick (03:05.09)
I check in, I am, well I think, I'll put some context first. I'm in Australia, it's Thursday morning, we're recording this on a Thursday morning in Australia, it's like 7.48 in the morning. You are in Texas, it is Wednesday afternoon at what time?
Laura Olsen (03:23.505)
348, 349 just turned. Yeah.
Rick (03:24.774)
Okay.
So we have a little bit of cross time zone cross, you know, the whole world really like we're pretty far away. Yeah. It's kind of cool. So what relevance has that got to my check-in? Well, I don't normally do podcasts at 7 48 in the morning. So, so I literally got out of bed about 20 minutes ago. so I'm feeling a bit,
Laura Olsen (03:33.075)
What is time?
Rick (03:58.34)
I just got out of bed. How did you explain that? don't know. Mentally feel really good. I've just had a big bulletproof coffee and feel like pretty clear.
Rick (04:11.174)
doing these calls with you as Will explained is one of my favourite things. So we've done, I don't even know, maybe even a year and a half, maybe two years. I don't know how long this is. We've been doing this stuff and so this feels, there's a level of excitement, a level of comfortability and there's also a little bit of nerves. First video, first online, first overseas, different time zones. So there's all of that little bit of stuff that's floating around.
but that's probably overridden by excitement, I think. Yeah. So Laura Olson, how the hell do we know each other? Tell me a story.
Laura Olsen (04:53.683)
Yes.
Laura Olsen (05:04.189)
You, like, we met through an online course. And if it were, like, physically in person, I feel like you would have been the guy in, the hoodie or the beanie, in the back of class, just, like, taking it all in. I feel like you were just sort of, like, the silent shadow for, like, most of it. And then I feel like, were we actually paired up?
in the
Rick (05:36.186)
I think our first one-on-one contract was as partners to do work together as partners, yeah.
Laura Olsen (05:41.43)
that's right. Okay, okay. So yeah, and then we got to know each other and I was like, well there he is.
Rick (05:50.722)
I don't know if I ever took my hoodie or beanie off, but yeah, I did like, I think the context also is like those calls were like at 3 a.m. my time. yeah, and then there's daylight saving change. They got a bit better, like four and five. So I would be like, it's the middle of the night. I was like in a hoodie and all like, and it took me like an hour to, yeah, it took me like an hour to wake up.
Laura Olsen (06:04.489)
Stop it, were they really?
Laura Olsen (06:10.353)
it better. Listen to you.
Laura Olsen (06:15.347)
that explains so much. I don't think I knew that.
Laura Olsen (06:20.563)
Wow, that's dedication, man.
Rick (06:25.05)
Yeah, so we were, we were partners. did, I think I did two or three years working with Jator, doing like mental, emotional coaching, coaching coaches to do that. So that was kind of my first foray into that world. And, yeah, you were a big part of that program alongside supporting him and being a, a pillar in that, but also,
part of the program was that we had to practice. We had to each other. And that was one degree back from actually coaching someone in front of everyone else. That bit was not my favorite bit. But doing this one-on-one when there's just two of us was much better. Yeah. So I think we spent the first...
Laura Olsen (07:14.915)
Mm-hmm, agreed.
Rick (07:22.95)
probably a couple of months just doing, you coach me for now, I coach you for now, and we're just practicing stuff, we're learning and all the rest of it. And then we're like, I really love these conversations. So the program stopped and we're like, so do you want to just every second week, just keep doing what we're doing? And that was, excuse me, I think that was like, I don't know, what 18 months, two years ago? Seems like.
Laura Olsen (07:49.097)
Yeah, yeah, because it was the you were a part of the like original cohort and like an OG And now we're on the third cohort round so Yeah, yeah at least
Rick (08:01.885)
So probably 18 months.
Yeah. So every, or my Thursday, every second Thursday, we, we jump on a zoom call and I speak for an hour and then you coach me and it's kind of evolved though, hasn't it? So we're not really like putting our coaching hat on too much. It's more just a conversation. And, I think the other part of it is like, you've been a really big support for me in this podcast journey as well. Like there's you've done the art and the
Laura Olsen (08:12.681)
Mm-hmm.
Rick (08:33.826)
intro and you've been a backbone for me for being able to put this out. So yeah, there's that as well.
Laura Olsen (08:44.007)
It makes me so excited to hear the rumblings of a creative idea that there's some sort of spark. It connects to you in some kind of way. It's like shaking someone's hand and feeling the static spark. It's like, ooh, there's something there. And then to help encourage what creativity would help bring this to life.
Rick (08:58.31)
Mm.
Rick (09:04.816)
bit of energy there.
Laura Olsen (09:13.661)
help bring your soul and that connection out into the world. That's the best. I love that.
Rick (09:13.733)
Hmm.
Rick (09:22.118)
Yeah, and just thinking about it now, like I actually think that it was our sessions that really helped me work through like the blocks that I had around having a voice and putting it out and all of that. Cause I think, don't know if I've mentioned on here, but there was probably a six to nine month period where I like wanted to do this, but I didn't. And there was lots of little.
internal blocks that I put in front of myself and I think our work together actually broke down some of that. So it's yeah, it's probably been the tangible like you helped me with the art and the audio and all the rest of it. But probably the bigger help would be chiseling away at those blocks, you know.
Laura Olsen (09:56.521)
Thanks.
Laura Olsen (10:08.127)
Mmm. That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Rick (10:16.198)
Yeah, so what if we say like two years ago, what did life look like for you two years ago? What was happening for Laura Olson?
Laura Olsen (10:30.01)
it feels like yesterday and a million years ago all at the same time. I feel like.
That whole process, the whole program, it was such an interesting thing because I was, for like, you know, if I put my like day job hat on, it was the curriculum design and, you know, putting that together in like an educational format. So that's like, you know, day job hat on. Take day job hat off.
and then go and like participate. And so it was this strange like one foot in the boat and one foot on the dock kind of feeling for me. So. Core core.
Rick (11:15.483)
Yeah.
Rick (11:24.934)
and try not to do the splits.
you
Rick (11:32.073)
you
Laura Olsen (11:35.645)
yeah, and I feel like that first round through was like a real sort of like meltdown of just like a melting away of all the things that I'd been carrying and feeling like I needed to be in control, have a plan, be like
ahead of the curve on everything and then my internal like need to be like straight A student but in this kind of work like more is not more
Rick (12:10.018)
you
Rick (12:19.499)
No, More is definitely not more.
Laura Olsen (12:24.285)
Yeah, learning that kind of the hard way by like trying to do everything at such a high level and then just face planting. And I feel like I just, kind of, that's sort of when we met is when it like, know, nose was meeting pavement kind of feeling.
Rick (12:43.195)
you
Laura Olsen (12:45.993)
You're just getting on it like, I don't know who am or where I am or what's happening.
Rick (12:53.176)
Like, well, here we go.
Rick (12:59.344)
yeah we
The part that wanted to be the straight-age student, was that in the bit that was the supportive role of the work hat or was that more in the doing the work, the internal, the participant side?
Laura Olsen (13:19.043)
A little bit of both, a little bit of both.
Laura Olsen (13:28.489)
There's a little bit of like, number one, just like wanting to be good at my job and just loving the work that I do and really seeing something so magical in this work and wanting to get it out into the world. And like I said, you know, having that, you know, when I feel that spark.
like, anything I can do to help get this out into the world. So there's a little bit of that. And then a little bit of ego internal because I am in this position of like creation and helping to facilitate and get this out into the world with Jator.
Laura Olsen (14:25.053)
feeling like a pressure to like be the best to be exemplary to to like meet that expectation. I mean my own expectation but still yeah.
Rick (14:41.19)
I hear you say my own expectation but it doesn't maybe sound like it. It's maybe like this and meeting some of the expectations of others. Would that be in there?
Laura Olsen (14:50.691)
the reason that I say like my expectation it was like it was completely my sort of made up story that other people would be looking at me and that I needed to be this, you know, perfect example of what a student should be or going through this or, you know, never let them see a sweat. Never let them see a, you know, like that kind of thing.
Rick (14:57.316)
Yeah.
Rick (15:16.321)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (15:20.553)
while also simultaneously trying to like, you know, when you see those people that are like, they understood the assignment. And like, in the purpose of the course is to learn to be comfortable in discomfort.
Laura Olsen (15:44.061)
to connect to your vulnerability, to connect to authenticity and presence, and to, yeah, just be able to connect and tap into that. And so, like, holding that high expectation, and then, also, like, go in, go hard, go vulnerable, and like,
Rick (16:09.52)
Yeah, there's like two opposing forces there, isn't there? There's like the, just need to be and feel and like be present with what's happening. And there's like, I want to effort the shit out of this to make sure that I'm doing a good job.
Laura Olsen (16:23.25)
Yeah.
Rick (16:24.604)
Yeah. Is that, is that efforting? I'm just using my language here. Is that, striving to make sure that you were perceived as good at what you did and that sort of thing? Is that, is that a pattern or is that something new that popped up with this role?
Laura Olsen (16:45.393)
no, that's been, that's been with me as long as I've had my name, like, my goodness. Pretty well, yeah, yeah, this is, this is an old one, like.
Rick (16:49.164)
no.
Laura Olsen (17:00.674)
yeah be the shining example and like growing up
feeling like the capable one just just kind of always like just like I get it like I see what's going on here and just having a high level of perception and just just I don't know dexterity to just be able to do things whatever it is sure learning curve and all of that and not perfect not saying I was or am
Rick (17:40.094)
That'll be the title for the podcast. I'm perfect for Olsen.
Laura Olsen (17:40.169)
Let's just be clear here.
Laura Olsen (17:47.843)
my goodness. Being clipped and quoted out of context there. Yeah.
Rick (17:52.88)
But I hear capable. Yeah, capable.
Laura Olsen (17:57.565)
Yeah. And see coming to see that through the work through, you know, working with your torch, Torpere, the fearless leader, he's gonna hate that.
Rick (18:14.209)
Ha ha ha ha.
Laura Olsen (18:17.692)
and.
Laura Olsen (18:27.603)
lost my train of thought. I just totally left.
Rick (18:31.686)
Okay? Because what I'm thinking...
Laura Olsen (18:33.885)
What was the question again? Maybe I can like rev up again.
Rick (18:37.209)
just about being capable.
Laura Olsen (18:38.985)
Mm. Mm. Mm-mm.
Rick (18:42.31)
Because what I'm thinking about is like, what's the shadow side of that? Like what's the consequences of striving to show others that you're capable?
Laura Olsen (19:01.661)
The shadow side of being capable is like what instantly comes up for me is like hypervigilance. Cause that was always the requirement for like survival. Like in my, in my world, it was like, she's capable. She's fine. We don't have to pay attention to her because she's got it. And so it was always like, make sure that I look like I've got it. Never ask for help. And then just be.
Rick (19:01.776)
for you.
Laura Olsen (19:31.567)
able to do and then just realizing that over time the not asking for help, the not sharing the vulnerability, the not being able to communicate that I don't understand something or I don't know something.
Laura Olsen (19:59.589)
realizing recently in coming to this place of like looking back
Laura Olsen (20:11.081)
with a new awareness and like a new like I said to you earlier it just feels like this like level one complete of like coming out to this like new level of compassion with myself and thinking back of like it manifested this this I am capable I am
Rick (20:27.176)
Yep.
Laura Olsen (20:40.861)
Like I said, like dexterity and dexterous. I love them as words.
Laura Olsen (20:51.251)
trying to put that face on came across as so arrogant, so arrogant in so many situations of like, no, no, no, no, here, like I can do that or here, let me do this for you. Or do you know how you should do that? Do you know blah, blah, blah? And just offering things to people who didn't ask, didn't care and didn't want to hear what I had to say.
Rick (21:07.942)
Yeah.
Rick (21:18.612)
So what dynamic did that create with them?
Laura Olsen (21:32.201)
feel like it didn't... if I'm throwing out some hypotheticals, I would say that it... potentially...
didn't allow a genuine connection to form with other people that made that connection very easy to snap.
Rick (21:47.526)
Yeah.
Rick (22:00.71)
And I'm also imagining, maybe guessing that that could be a pretty lonely place to hang out in the I'm capable and I don't need anyone else.
Yeah, and that comes back to that connection thing, doesn't it?
Laura Olsen (22:12.595)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (22:16.787)
Yeah, and that feeling of like, I have to do it on my own, I have to keep up, I have to be better than, and holding that expectation out of fear that anyone would see that I'm human. Heaven for fun.
Rick (22:36.422)
Yeah.
And then I guess with this, there's again, I'm guessing, but it's just a topic that's been in my mind lately because I'm doing some work around it, around the potential shame that comes with asking for support when you think you should have it sorted.
Laura Olsen (22:58.233)
yeah heaps heaps and heaps
Rick (22:59.13)
You know? Yeah. I'm just not going to ask because I don't want people to know that I haven't got it sorted myself. And I'm guessing that that volume button for you was potentially turned up, yeah.
Laura Olsen (23:13.705)
my gosh, yeah. And just thinking about all the knots I tied myself into just working late, working double time, know, Google University, just Googling everything. I'd rather ask a machine and try to figure it out and, you know, try to build a bridge of popsicle sticks rather than say like, I'm sorry, I have a question.
Rick (23:20.622)
You
Laura Olsen (23:44.169)
my gosh, just the knots that I would, you know, just upside down and backwards and like, no, no, I'm fine. Like that real squeaky, that particular note that you hit when you know that like they're not fine. Fine!
Rick (23:55.276)
Yeah.
Rick (24:01.508)
Yeah. Your words are saying one thing, but your voice is saying a very different thing.
Laura Olsen (24:06.519)
Yes! Are you sure?
Rick (24:10.602)
You don't sound fine.
Laura Olsen (24:12.425)
If you're so fine, why don't I believe you? Yeah.
Rick (24:20.912)
So how much of this part of your...
much of this part of you shows up these days.
Laura Olsen (24:30.771)
Hmm.
Laura Olsen (24:36.969)
interesting.
Laura Olsen (24:42.537)
think it's still with me in a lot of ways.
Laura Olsen (24:51.397)
And also...
Laura Olsen (24:58.052)
Learning.
to identify.
Laura Olsen (25:07.625)
I'm checking in, is this true?
I would say phase one was like learning to identify the safe people in the safe spaces to be able to test out a new thing. It was so tight up that it took a long time to like begin to layer on safe experience after safe experience of saying, I don't have it all figured out.
Rick (25:19.472)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (25:40.957)
don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here. I don't know how this is going to go. And walking forward, learning to let go of the plan. This podcast right now feels like a final. It feels like a yes it does. This feels like
Rick (26:02.558)
This is your exam. You're passing Laura, it's fine.
Laura Olsen (26:09.417)
A giant universal pop quiz. Can you have a conversation? Go out on a limb. Not know what it's gonna be about. Don't have, you know, an outline and a written dissertation to bring to it. So that feels like it was phase one.
Rick (26:11.782)
Mm.
Rick (26:26.63)
finding the safe people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Laura Olsen (26:28.201)
Mm-hmm, and then just practicing and I feel like now it is
Laura Olsen (26:40.429)
noticing
you know, you're not perfect out loud to another person like could you? Turns out I can! Yeah.
Rick (27:21.403)
Mmm.
Rick (27:25.466)
So what I hear in this, yeah, there's like, there's this nice little kind of loop happening. And it's like, it starts with awareness of like actually having awareness that this is a thing that you do and you have done and you have benefited from, but there's been consequences and all of that stuff. Tick, okay. The awareness is there and it's...
Laura Olsen (27:30.515)
Do tell.
Rick (27:54.424)
growing because when we shine the light we can't ignore it so it's kind of like this organic awareness nearly.
And then in some capacity, this sounds like there's some level of acceptance. It's like, this is a part of me. And this is a part of me that I'm okay to speak to, to some safe people. And because I think that to me, that's the definition of acceptance is like, can I actually share this part of me with someone else, as opposed to like just pushing it away and just pretending it's not there. So there's like this awareness piece, there's this acceptance piece.
And then the having the courage to ask other people for support is huge and super important. So there's that part that potentially those three things give you the strength to them when you're at the crossroads again, be like, okay, here we are. What am I going to do? Am I going to do the thing that I always did or I'm going to do it slightly different? And I just think that loop.
Laura Olsen (28:50.707)
You
Rick (29:01.24)
is just a perfect unplanned example of how we slowly adapt, change, grow, evolve, know, that awareness, acceptance, support. And then when we get back to that choice for change, we're like, okay, yep, I need some sort of, you know, I need to go back into that role. So I'm just going to go down the old path and that's completely fine. But you're kind of doing it with awareness. And then the other side's like, what if I...
actually spoke to him and said, I actually don't know. Holy shit. What does that feel like? Can I be present with that? And it's like, yeah, it's a really good example of like.
Because what I hear in that is all the work that you've done. And I know because we've been hanging out for ages and I've seen the evolution, but it's like, it's the benefit of actually looking inwards and the awareness and the acceptance and the support and coming to that choice for change. So it's like, I think one of the bits about this that I love is that the realising that we have choice moves us out of our rigidity, moves us out of our stuckness.
And just the realization itself, like, I have a choice to do this differently. It's fucking huge, you know? Like I think it's a massive moment in such a small piece, you know?
Laura Olsen (30:22.754)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (30:28.873)
Yeah, and something else that came up while I heard you speaking was this feeling of connecting in to myself for just a second and saying, okay, so I'm feeling all the things. What do you actually need right now?
Rick (30:42.342)
Mmm.
Laura Olsen (30:57.043)
Like what can I give myself? What does my inner child or you know, however you want to connect. What, what do I actually need right now? Do I just need a hug? Do I just need like an acknowledgement of like, you are amazing and you're not meant to do everything completely on your own. Are you in need of just hearing like, Hey, good job.
What is it that you need right now? And then like just taking a moment and just feeling just the whole my whole physiology just relax.
And then like the asking for help and the vulnerability and the connection and all of that doesn't feel so hard because I actually gave myself what I need. And I'm not like waiting with bated breath or trying to manipulate someone else or the situation to try to get someone to say, good job, because I just did that for myself. So I don't need that from them. Like I was able to do that. And now I can have an authentic and vulnerable connection and get the help.
that I need in whatever situation or the understanding that I need or whatever it is. From an authentic and clean place as opposed to all that icky, sticky, do what I want, say what I need, kind of wheely kind of stuff.
Rick (32:31.974)
really, really good point and it makes me smile that you bring it up. Because I think it's something that potentially skip because I think support's got two parts. There's like self support. How can I support myself in this moment, which is what exactly what you're talking about. It's like connecting back with a part of me that maybe needs something from me to get through this differently. And then
Laura Olsen (32:38.776)
Yes?
Laura Olsen (32:46.857)
Mmm.
Rick (32:59.972)
The other side is the external support of like, okay, I've done the self support bit and we're good. You know, we're not going to just jump into an unconscious reaction. good. And can I then go external and go, okay, me and my seven year old need a little bit of help with this. And we're cool with that, but we're good. know?
Laura Olsen (33:23.166)
And I think, I think, think I'm getting to the place where it might be, it might be possible to have more fun that way.
Rick (33:26.704)
Mm-hmm. This is very dangerous.
Rick (33:36.54)
Holy shit. What is this F word that you speak of?
Laura Olsen (33:38.831)
I mean, I don't know, it's a hypothesis. To connect and to collaborate and to do things together. Like, yeah, that might maybe just be a little bit more fun.
Rick (33:56.346)
And are you talking about connecting and collaborating with parts of you or with other people?
Laura Olsen (34:03.965)
was thinking about with others, now that you say that, like, it applies both ways. Yeah, it's definitely more fun to connect with me and to, my gosh, my inner child, my little girl.
Rick (34:08.858)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Laura Olsen (34:18.671)
She is so friggin hysterical. She is so funny. Like every time I interact with her, I just, end up, I mean like spit take level laughing. She's hysterical and she does not notice. She does not care. She's just so clever and whip smart. And just like when we're done, we're just done. There's no like, thank you. I love you.
Rick (34:22.406)
Hilarious.
Rick (34:45.03)
Got sass.
Laura Olsen (34:48.297)
Like no, none of that. Just like, eh, we're done here. Bye. Like just out. And I guess we're done. Okay. That was easy. She is sassy. I love it. I love it. love it.
Rick (35:03.962)
Hmm. Yeah. And that's kind of sets the mood for then, you know, the, the fun, playful with other people. And I think it's, it's interesting cause like, I'm no expert on inner child work by any means, I played around a little bit with it and doing more in the therapy now and all the rest of it. But I think most people's perception is this fear of like,
Laura Olsen (35:13.193)
Mm-hmm.
Rick (35:31.526)
touching on old stuff that's really painful. That's a legit fear, but the other side of it is that you can also have a new relationship with a younger part of you that is super fun and super light and super funny. I've got some parts of me that are fucking hilarious how they show up. And now we just laugh at each other. I'm like, you're back, like that little.
people please are all the validation guy or whichever part of me shows up. I'm like, you're back again. Look at you needing a hug. And I can laugh at him, not at him with him, just how funny the patterns are and how they show up. And that can be a lightness that comes with what's next. Okay, you little punk, let's go and do the thing you want to do. then we'll do it for one minute and then we won't, you know, it can actually be fun.
Laura Olsen (36:23.579)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like a relay race or like a baton pass or something like that. And go! And then you're gonna bring it back around to me. And then we're gonna... Yeah.
Rick (36:28.464)
Yeah.
and
Rick (36:40.762)
bit that I want to go back to, because I think as conceptually it all sounds really great, practically the hard part for me and other people I'm presuming is the catching yourself in the moment when it's happening and giving yourself permission or, permission, I don't know, giving yourself the opportunity to actually fucking feel what's going on.
Rick (37:11.718)
Cause we can talk about that as a thing, but actually doing it in the moment is like another thing.
Laura Olsen (37:15.781)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. My favorite mantra to myself is, you will until you won't.
Rick (37:20.112)
Tell me about your experience with that.
Rick (37:29.958)
You
Laura Olsen (37:32.977)
It's just this like, yeah, yeah. You will not recognize it until you choose to. For me, just speaking to me.
Rick (37:33.188)
You will until you won't. I like that.
Rick (37:45.978)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (37:48.521)
I mean, it would be like weeks later and I would think like, I think in that moment, that situation that exploded like a missile,
I think maybe if I think really hard, you know, on one level, like, maybe I was hangry. Maybe, maybe, maybe I was looking to get something out of that. Maybe there's another way to look at that. And I just, I feel like the time got shorter by like, you know, started out like a month later and then it would be like 29 days later and then like
Rick (38:15.031)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (38:33.737)
28 days later.
Rick (38:35.386)
I'm getting better at saying it. But really fucking slow.
Laura Olsen (38:38.323)
Yes, yes, my gosh. And in all honesty, just kind of immersing myself in this work and just.
thinking about it constantly and just kind of getting curious of like, where is this? What is my favorite thing?
Laura Olsen (39:07.465)
to remember is like, you take a picture of it?
Laura Olsen (39:12.873)
to describe the experience, the moment, for me to not get caught up in story. Can you take a picture of it? And that connects back to my history as a photographer. So just understanding all of the hours that I spent analyzing photography. What is it composed of? What's there? What's excluded from the photo?
how close, how far away, like all those things. So for me, my shortcut is like, can you take a picture of it? And so then immersing myself in this world, personal development, growth, all the reading, all the study, all the peer coaching, all that stuff, started to get like really curious of like, so when you talk about self abandonment, that one took me years.
years to understand every time I would hear it. just thought I would just kind of not just like what do you mean? What are you talking about? I'm here with myself like that's not possible. And just coming back to it going can I take a picture of it? What does that look like in my life? What is where is it? I can't find it and then just the
constant curiosity and wanting to get to the bottom of it. What is that thing? Until I can get a handle on it. That to me is how the distance starts to get shorter between the event and the noticing. Because like I said, early on it would be like that thing that I did weeks ago, last month, months ago.
Rick (40:55.44)
No.
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (41:05.705)
and then the distance would just get shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter. It's still not great. I mean, I would love to be able to preempt, see it in the moment. I mean, I'm still like later on that day tomorrow, that thing I did last week, like,
Rick (41:16.922)
Yeah, yeah,
Rick (41:29.306)
Hey, can I just jump back? What would be an example, if you're willing to open the door, what would be an example of self abandonment that would show up either in the present or in the past for you? Just as a reference point of what the photo looks like.
Laura Olsen (41:32.521)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (41:56.841)
I can speak too.
Rick (42:01.126)
you
Laura Olsen (42:05.373)
There is something very recent.
Laura Olsen (42:16.809)
There is a project, it's an annual project that I have worked on every year for.
Laura Olsen (42:29.769)
gotta be at least five years and it's probably more. And so there's this like kind of assumption with the organization that I do this for every year, that I'll just do it again next year. And this year I didn't want to do it. I was busy, I had other things, my creative energy was elsewhere and it's this creative project and it's kind of a...
Laura Olsen (43:02.12)
immersive like it's like a lot of work all at once and then it's like over it's like a quick thing and I know that it comes around every single year but this year I was like I don't want to do it and when the conversations came up around and this is how we're gonna do it this year and just like bringing me the thing and the language was all like
not even checking in and asking. It was just assuming like you've done it before you're gonna do it again.
and realizing...
way down the line. Like, I totally abandoned myself. I totally just went along and nodded my head and agreed to do the thing without agreeing to do the thing. I just was like nodding along, offering my feedback, speaking to them as they were speaking to me and not standing up and saying
By the way...
Laura Olsen (44:12.266)
Maybe you could find someone else to do it this year.
Laura Olsen (44:18.173)
That did not happen. That conversation did not happen.
Rick (44:20.612)
Mmm. And it's also...
Laura Olsen (44:22.473)
And so now I'm needy a minute.
You
Rick (44:26.822)
It's kind of interesting to see how that like rubs up against the theme of like, I am capable, you know? And the role that like just not speaking your truth can play because of that, I need to show that I've got it, I can do it, I can do it. Probably better than most people. I'm putting words in your mouth, but just that general feeling.
Laura Olsen (44:49.065)
my gosh. And just how easily I am led around.
Just... my gosh. I mean tell me I can't do it.
I'm just, it's like there's just, it's tattooed on my forehead. Just say that like, it's okay. I don't, it's really complicated. I don't think you could do it. Stand back, watch me. Yeah, everyone stand back and watch.
Rick (45:19.541)
Get out of the fucking way.
Rick (45:26.555)
you
And then I think it's like, cause what you were hinting at before was just like the ability to not catch it in the moment.
Bless you. And then.
the improved ability to be like, I caught it at 30 days out and then 29 and like slowly getting better.
Laura Olsen (45:47.173)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dialing it back, rolling it back.
Rick (45:51.482)
Yeah, yeah. And that the reality of that, especially when it's a pattern that we may not be super proud of. It's so hard to even want to catch it in the moment because there's, yeah, there's, nilia like, I'm doing that fucking thing again.
Laura Olsen (46:07.415)
yeah!
Laura Olsen (46:14.921)
Well, it's so easy to buy your own hype. I can't believe they did that. I can't believe they said that. can't believe that they are upset with me because I'm awesome. I can't believe this situation is happening unfolding in this way because I'm amazing and just believing my own hype.
Rick (46:19.267)
You
Laura Olsen (46:43.793)
And then stepping back, taking a deep breath, relaxing, and like getting really curious of like, okay, all right. So that went off the rails. All right. So if, and I'm not saying you do, if you played a role in that, what might it be?
Rick (47:05.734)
See that question there, that question there, that should be tattooed in front of everyone's, in their forearm. If I played a role in that, what would it be? Because it's, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Laura Olsen (47:06.153)
Just...
Laura Olsen (47:14.962)
You
Laura Olsen (47:18.823)
Not saying that you do. Just, just, if. Just, just, let's just play it out. We're just, we're just spitballing. We're just brainstorming. You know, we're playing with.
Rick (47:24.058)
pretend that I had some role.
Rick (47:29.456)
Because it's like,
I just think of projection, think of deflection, like all the actions that we use to not own our role.
Laura Olsen (47:39.827)
Mm-hmm.
Laura Olsen (47:44.636)
Mm-hmm.
Rick (47:45.956)
And it's so tricky and clever and nuanced and not in our awareness even. It's just a pattern that we do. So yeah, I think that there's a lot in that process of bringing the days in and then that question of what role did I play in this? Shit, people's worlds would be different if we all owned our reality.
Laura Olsen (47:59.113)
Mm-hmm.
Laura Olsen (48:13.917)
yeah. And I think that at least for me in the earlier stages of my healing process, you know, I don't think it could have happened any faster than it did.
Rick (48:15.366)
a little bit more.
Laura Olsen (48:34.902)
I used to say like, I want this to be faster. want to be better. want to, I mean, let's, you know, let's really, let's get down to it. Like I wanted to win and healing, you know? I want to develop faster. I want to heal faster. Like, like I'm some like superhero or something. It's like super healing skin. But it was so tender.
Rick (48:46.01)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (49:03.581)
that place inside of me that like wanted to be perfect. I couldn't get around to, I couldn't relax the tension and the gripping and the efforting, yeah, all of that around the idea that maybe I could have played a role in, like I said, know, the,
Rick (49:07.398)
Mm.
Rick (49:14.351)
Efforting, yeah.
Laura Olsen (49:30.725)
needing to be perfect and not connecting with vulnerability to another person and like I said just just that connection not getting the the nourishment that it needs to like really hold and so it's just very brittle and fragile and so those connections going away like
I was that brittle and that fragile too. Yeah, it couldn't have gone any faster for me. I needed that time to let it diffuse, to let it relax so that I could even go in and look at it. I just had to be really gentle with myself.
Rick (50:03.736)
Mm-hmm.
Rick (50:16.09)
Yeah. And then I'm thinking about like this, it's like the efforting, the striving, the pushing to heal faster, be even have that as a perfect scenario. Like what.
Laura Olsen (50:18.985)
and
Rick (50:30.948)
What do you, what would you have got out of that striving? the, what were you chasing do you think? Whether it was consciously or unconsciously.
Laura Olsen (50:48.019)
That is funny. The first word that came to mind was connection.
Laura Olsen (50:56.585)
but like it was just this inversion is what actually happened like the yeah yeah yeah yeah have them see me as like perfect and not needing anything that i'm like completely self-contained i'm not a bother my god
Rick (51:03.824)
paradox.
.
Laura Olsen (51:21.491)
To feel like a bother or a burden to someone else. my gosh, I would just rather go and melt in a corner. Like I would just rather die than to be any sort of, I'm so sorry. Like, no, no, no, I don't mean to bother you. don't, can't take up space. And so making myself like perfect.
Rick (51:24.537)
you
Rick (51:42.918)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's a big one, isn't it?
Laura Olsen (51:51.367)
impervious, completely shrinking into nothing, super tiny and small, just completely self-contained. That just-
What comes to mind is like a marble wall, like trying to climb a marble wall. Like there's nothing to hold onto. just fly right back down. There's no connection there. There's no purchase.
Rick (52:15.472)
Yeah.
Rick (52:23.76)
Yeah, and that's the bit I want to come back to because if the internal goal for the pushing, the striving, the perfection, the capabilities was to connect, I'm wondering what you got from doing the opposite. I'm wondering what you got from having the courage to ask for help and to show your safe people that.
you may need some assistance or you may need some support. I'm wondering what you got from that action.
Laura Olsen (52:58.259)
I would say before I-
Laura Olsen (53:03.717)
answer that. Connection's like the end but like the exit on the way to connectionville though was like, I wanted to be like good enough to be liked.
to be accepted by someone else. What I wanted was connection, but what it looked like in the moment, like if we're talking like, can you take a picture of it? Was like, I want it to be acceptable.
Laura Olsen (53:35.899)
And then thinking that that would lead over time to connection. And that it had to be this perfect facade to be acceptable. And so if I were to restate your question and make sure I understood, so what I got from learning to share and learning to notice there's safe people in those safe places.
Laura Olsen (54:10.301)
relief comes to mind. Yeah. Just, it just felt like relief. Just like carrying like all of this stuff and like trying to carry all the luggage in the baggage and just like, doop!
Rick (54:26.36)
the squeaky voice comes back.
Laura Olsen (54:27.401)
And then just like just the ability to just like let it all fall down and just be like this is me. Take it or leave it. Here I am. Like I am so tired of all of the stuff and the doing and the saying and the being of all the things for all the people and all the different places and to try to be pleasing and acceptable and all the stuff.
I am so exhausted that I don't even think I could be hurt or offended or sad if you don't like me right now. Like, I don't even think I can just like work up a solitary tear. Like, I don't even think I could. So here I am, take it or leave it.
Rick (55:11.472)
So then.
And so I'm curious, there in that process of like, this is me take it or leave it, there's a level of self-acceptance in that. I'm wondering if you felt any acceptance from the other, the person that you were sharing with, or whether it was a challenging thing for you.
Laura Olsen (55:25.929)
Mmm.
Laura Olsen (55:40.073)
It still is in some ways a little bit of a challenge for me to realize that it's there. Like it's a little, it feels a little bit like...
Laura Olsen (55:55.827)
tell you what, for instance, when we just like reconnect because we meet fortnightly, you and I.
And when I'm putting it on my calendar, I'm like, wow, still going. my gosh. Like it just, feels like amazing.
And there's like several other people that like when I reconnect with them, I'm like, my gosh, they're still here. Like amazing.
Laura Olsen (56:30.833)
And it's part of me, you know, if I'm hangry, if I'm in a low, having a low day, if I'm tired, not feeling very well, there's a little gremlin in there that'll be like, well, you haven't messed it up yet.
And I'm like...
I hear you and I don't want to hear you. Can you just sit back there and hush? your seatbelt on? Like I know you're back there, but I really need you to just like, can you just look out a window and sit there quietly? yeah, it's still, it's still there. It's still there sometimes.
Rick (57:03.94)
You can leave now.
Rick (57:24.784)
think the question I want to ask that I didn't ask very well before was, do you feel some level of acceptance with your people, your safe people that you get to show, this is me, do you feel a level of acceptance from them?
Laura Olsen (57:41.065)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hmm
Rick (57:47.878)
Because I think the point I want to make, I'm just making it really clunkily. Clunkily is not a word, but I'm being clunky.
Laura Olsen (57:56.585)
I like it because like the sound of it matches like what it means
Rick (58:02.97)
Yeah, exactly. I'm being clunkily. The beautiful paradox is the perfectionism, the striving, the pushing.
And the story was, need to do this to be accepted. And then if we pull the handbrake on and back the car up and have the courage to have honest conversations with people that feel safe and be like, this is fucking me. And there's an experience of acceptance from those people. It's like you're getting the thing you wanted by doing the opposite of what you thought you needed to do to get it.
Laura Olsen (58:45.279)
yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Rick (58:47.366)
Does that make sense?
Laura Olsen (58:51.529)
And it's so fascinating that like the, there's a different voice in my head, a different inner critic that pipes up or that used to be a lot louder. Like after I would get off of a call, early in the process of like learning to be vulnerable, learning to show up in whatever state and just be honest and present.
Rick (59:03.11)
you
Laura Olsen (59:22.505)
there used to be this like really loud voice when I would like get off of a call or you know hang up the phone or leave the zoom room or whatever and just be like I can't believe you said that I can't believe you did that like you you are never talking to them again they are never calling you back again like
That is just wave goodbye. And now I hear that less and less, like being like present, being honest. That's what vulnerability feels like to me. It's just having the courage to be honest with someone who has
shown the capability to have patience, compassion, understanding, and just like be present with me in that moment. Those people get more of me. They get more honesty from me. Yeah, over time. then that patience on the other side, like seeing
Rick (01:00:39.002)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (01:00:51.909)
it being witnessed with presence in the moment that connection allows
me the ability to see myself in that new way to realize that I am worthy of compassion and patience, understanding. And then when I hang up the phone, no matter what, how honest I was, then that voice tries to speak up and I'm like,
I got nothing for ya. Like, it is what it is, That inner voice of mine.
Rick (01:01:34.15)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So super interesting in just old terms that it's, it's called egotism. And it's that, that idea of, talking yourself down post conversational post interaction of like, I should not have said that that person's going to think this I've done the wrong thing. I wish I could have that all back. It's like, it's pretty common and it's a process, but I also think it's a really interesting symptom.
for the stepping into something, stepping into an area that's maybe new and a little bit uncomfortable, it could potentially for some people be seen as like a, this is like, it's a little growth edge because I've got this voice who's telling me to do this thing. And then like you've said, the more evidence you see that the people that sit with you in patience and vulnerability, the more evidence that they're still there showing that, you know.
Laura Olsen (01:02:23.561)
Mmm.
Laura Olsen (01:02:29.864)
Mm.
Rick (01:02:36.154)
you're not pushing them away by your actions, like that little voice is not true, then that diminishes. I think it's a really, sorry, you go.
Laura Olsen (01:02:44.368)
Yeah, and it's...
I was just gonna say, it's back to that can you take a picture of it? Like it also works with the proof positive, on the positive side of things. Yeah, go ahead.
Rick (01:02:56.39)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. I'll just to close. just think it's like the, it's another example of how evidence helps us really embody and integrate things. It's like, I just need to see some evidence of it and the people showing up and coming back and that's evidence. It's like, okay. Maybe I can be vulnerable and be accepted and you know, have connection and all the rest of it. They're little glimpses and slithers of evidence that
Laura Olsen (01:03:11.817)
Mmm.
Rick (01:03:25.606)
pile up and get, create more and more and more until you're like, shut the fuck up voice. Can you not see the evidence?
Laura Olsen (01:03:34.089)
Well, that's how confidence is built. Yeah, like lawyer yourself, that like inner critic voice. Yeah, that's what that's, that's how confidence is built. It's, it's brick by brick. It's experience by experience. It's having that proof. And this reminds me of like, the conversations that you and I have had about self trust.
Rick (01:03:40.08)
Yeah, Yeah, yeah. Defense lawyer that shit.
Laura Olsen (01:04:03.805)
like having your own back in various situations and building those layers of proof over and over and over again. And then that like, can I take a picture of it? What did that look like? What did I do that had my own back? Like, look at that, pin that. You can do that again. You've done it before, you can do it again. And then it's like a single sheet of paper.
Rick (01:04:22.918)
Yep. Yep.
Laura Olsen (01:04:30.845)
day after day after day after day after day and then pretty soon it's like the size of a book you've got all this proof that you can be confident in yourself to have your own back as as an example
Rick (01:04:40.08)
Yeah.
Rick (01:04:46.714)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think the danger with it is that...
me in various forms in the past and I other people do it, have a tendency to focus on the drama, the negative, the thing that pulls them. And they may miss the example of the evidence because they're focusing on the...
maybe they're focusing on that little internal dialogue and seeing what potentially catastrophizing that. But I think the point I'm trying to make is that it's super important to acknowledge the little wins. And even if it's just for 10 seconds, just go, that was cool. Didn't die. yeah. But just to balance out that, you know, because we can all go down the spirals and
Laura Olsen (01:05:26.865)
Mmm, so true.
Laura Olsen (01:05:31.763)
built up.
Rick (01:05:42.0)
the little inner critics and all the things that make up our internal conflict. But I think that starts to get balanced out when we have some conscious awareness to look at the evidence that's building.
Rick (01:05:56.624)
didn't fuck up that podcast as much as I did the one before. Winning.
Laura Olsen (01:06:02.057)
I keep growing. Yeah, I mean, I see like this glimpse of like a river, like it starts with just like a single trickle.
Like the grooves that we have, those old habits that we have are like, you know, a river flowing. And then started with like a single trickle, like just like a little like finding like the path of least resistance through the grass and the soil and then down into rock over time. So to think that those things are just gonna change overnight, I think is unrealistic. And it's just like.
Rick (01:06:31.035)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (01:06:50.237)
man, like a little compassion, like, yeah, you've been doing that river thing for a long time. It's gonna take a minute to link, you know, get another waterway going. Yeah, yeah.
Rick (01:07:02.32)
Build a new groove. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think that's where the, compassion and the grace comes in.
Laura Olsen (01:07:10.377)
Mmm.
Rick (01:07:12.462)
I am conscious of time. I'm trying to get these under an hour and half.
Laura Olsen (01:07:19.683)
okay, okay.
Rick (01:07:26.309)
there's been so many cool themes that we've talked about. Not bad.
Laura Olsen (01:07:30.806)
I could literally talk to you for hours and you notice.
Rick (01:07:33.862)
Yes, and we do. Literally not knowing where we're going to go. I feel like we've explored some fun parts. One fun way that I like to finish the podcast is what's exciting right now.
Laura Olsen (01:07:42.989)
Mm-hmm.
Laura Olsen (01:07:55.625)
Mm-hmm.
Laura Olsen (01:08:02.665)
Mm-mm.
Laura Olsen (01:08:07.303)
What is exciting right now? Like, I felt like this flood of like, ooh, this and this and this.
Laura Olsen (01:08:19.113)
So what's exciting right now is taking all of this out for a spin. It's like trying to show up in new ways, like with that lightness, with that playful spirit. Like can I be in this present moment?
Rick (01:08:23.878)
Mm.
Laura Olsen (01:08:41.691)
and allow it to be good and light and fun and forward moving without desperately clinging to a plan.
Laura Olsen (01:09:00.841)
because just like with this conversation, like I end up someplace really wonderful that I completely didn't expect.
Laura Olsen (01:09:16.851)
Like you can't plan for this. Like I could have written an outline and like, okay, so in a block, we're gonna talk about this and I have these three points to make and then I'm gonna say this and then you're gonna say that. And like, how fun would that have been?
Rick (01:09:31.686)
Break me out.
Laura Olsen (01:09:37.383)
And that is like my safe zone, my comfort zone. That's my blankie. It's to like have a detailed level plan and come prepared and studied and like all of that stuff. So this like freewheel in it is just like, it's like learning to skateboard or something for me.
Rick (01:10:00.678)
Cool. It does sound exciting.
Laura Olsen (01:10:05.725)
So this, this is exciting. This is like, I'm living on the edge, man. I've never felt so alive.
Rick (01:10:07.536)
Yeah.
Rick (01:10:15.938)
Somebody stop me!
Hmm, I think mine's pretty similar because I've probably got two that are coming up and they've both got a similar vibe and I'm excited about being in groups of people. I really enjoy the dynamic of being in a group and I've got two things coming up. One is I'm going down to Melbourne with Joe to do a workshop, like a three hour workshop and that's a new group of people.
Laura Olsen (01:10:49.609)
Mmm.
Rick (01:10:50.276)
And then, so that's exciting. And hopefully we'll make that a regular thing next year. And in a couple of weeks, I've got my seven day residential for my study where all the four years of the school go and there's a lot of group process and yeah, there's just a lot of group stuff that happens in that. I just love seeing what emerges in those situations.
And that's where the similarity is. It's like, well, what's going to pop up here? And, yeah, it's wild, especially in that group process setting to just, cause I, I often have some uncomfortability about silence. So if we're in a group setting, I will just like start first, just so like, I don't have to sit in the silence. Getting better at it, but it's, it's funny in these group processes in our study, like.
Laura Olsen (01:11:38.301)
Hehehehehe
Rick (01:11:49.894)
they'll often be extended silence. I'll be like, well, this is fucking going nowhere. And then, and then an hour and a half later, I'm like, holy shit, that was wild. So this just, it's for me, that was like, I'm, getting to push on all these little edges of like my patterns and thinking it has to be a certain way and all that sort of stuff. And I just, I find there's so much richness.
Laura Olsen (01:11:57.299)
Hahaha.
Rick (01:12:19.046)
for me in groups of what I walk away with. And it's never what I thought I'd walk away with. It's always like, fuck, I didn't see that coming. Yeah, so I'm excited about just being in more groups. And then obviously we've got circle, men's circle on Monday night. So I get to hang out in groups quite a bit in the next, for November. So I'm kind of, I'm jazzed about that.
Laura Olsen (01:12:42.121)
Yeah, I feel that. I feel that so much. That silence, and like...
Do you feel it differently in men's circle versus in like the different environment of like a learning situation? Because one place is like a leadership guiding and the other is like more like receptive. Do you feel it differently in those two different situations?
Rick (01:13:09.062)
Mm.
Rick (01:13:19.098)
I think in the, when we're doing our study, the actual group process is, a, let's be with what's present for what's alive for you right now. So it's, they're actually quite similar. So it's not like a curriculum thing where you go through this. It's like, all right, what's, what's going on? Who's got something that's alive for them? Let's, let's speak to it and see where it takes this kind of thing. So there's, there's probably more similarities than differences in those two, those two things. Yeah.
Laura Olsen (01:13:31.602)
Okay.
Rick (01:13:56.003)
And I think the other, without starting a whole new topic, is just like, what's in my uncomfortableness about sitting in silence? Like, what's the story that I've made about that? that, yeah, so that's been interesting to look at and play around with. And I'm much better at it this, especially this last 12 months since studying and being in environments where it's like, okay.
And this is that whole evidence thing. It's like, let's just see what pops up. And then for me, I can like actually be present with what's happening. And if there's something alive for me, I can speak to it.
But I'm not pre-planning so I say things that I think people want to hear from me. Because that's been a pattern of mine.
So like, for example, I used to go to my old men's circle and I drive there and on the drive, I would organise, I would plan my check-in.
Rick (01:15:06.224)
That's a lot for your own mind. Well, I've got a pre-prepared statement.
Laura Olsen (01:15:06.899)
know what that's like at all.
Rick (01:15:11.994)
And I benefited from that in different ways. But yeah, so like, just noticed that part of the edge for me is being able to sit with what actually is alive right now. Like that could be nothing, or there could be some charge about something that's been said earlier or whatever. But it's like, can I feel into that and actually speak to it rather than present something that's, you know, pre-prepared?
Laura Olsen (01:15:40.777)
wonder if that's, we were talking about like the proof and like building up the proof and the confidence because of the proof.
It feels to me like it sort of like leads into that confidence because you did the diligence of preparing and taking it seriously and caring about it and wanting to do a good job and that served in the early phases and then it feels like up next level two.
Laura Olsen (01:16:19.817)
like stepping into the ability to.
Laura Olsen (01:16:28.827)
What do I want to say? Like have a template? Like have the feel for like how it goes? And then be able to be present in the moment because that feels like skating on ice for me!
Rick (01:16:41.904)
Yeah, it's definitely a muscle that's building but slowly.
Laura Olsen (01:16:46.641)
Yeah, I'm just... I feel like I'm just getting into it. But it feels like all zingy.
Rick (01:16:51.344)
Yeah.
Rick (01:16:55.019)
And I think just talking about now there's like a version of that that happens on the podcast. It's like, what does silence mean on here? And originally I'd be like, that's like the thing you don't want. And now I'm like, that's the thing you do want. Cause it means that like there's, there's the cogs are turning, there's contemplation. People aren't just rushing answers and stuff. It's like silence is golden. And I went on a podcast before I started this.
Laura Olsen (01:17:03.337)
Mmm.
Rick (01:17:23.458)
And the, a friend of mine who did it, deleted all the pauses. So there was no pauses. So, it sounded like I was just talking about this. But it completely changed the energy of the podcast because there was no natural pause reflection. I was like, so I know what I don't want. And that kind of made me realize that silence is actually.
okay and slowness and all the rest of it is okay especially in this format.
Laura Olsen (01:18:00.349)
music. It's like the space between the notes that offers like the cadence and the melody and all of that.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, and makes me think of, my gosh. my goodness. I will just say this.
Rick (01:18:18.234)
we could do another hour now. Now we're just turning off on a new game.
Laura Olsen (01:18:30.505)
can't think of what it was but I do remember there was this ad, was a commercial years ago back when I actually had cable TV commercials and all of that and it was completely silent, there was just things on the screen and so like normally when you're watching TV it's almost like the commercials get louder in between and it just like
Rick (01:18:56.282)
Yeah.
Laura Olsen (01:18:59.049)
It's like startling especially like later on at night, but if everything goes silent It's like wait a minute did the TV turn off like who turned off the TV? what do you? If you're not facing it if you're not paying attention to it it gets your attention back to it right? And that's that's kind of what it reminds me of like in people's ears when they're going about their day listening in Hello everyone If there is silence, it's almost reorienting
Rick (01:19:13.146)
Yeah.
Rick (01:19:23.782)
Hello everyone.
Rick (01:19:28.742)
you
Laura Olsen (01:19:29.213)
Like, ooh, wait a minute. They're thinking about something. What is that? What do I think about it? How do I feel about it? Yeah. That's like, except for me.
Rick (01:19:34.491)
Yeah.
Rick (01:19:40.139)
Thank
Hello, Alisson. Thank you for coming on the podcast that you have built.
Laura Olsen (01:19:49.097)
I just helped nurture it along. It's your bird.
Rick (01:19:55.768)
It's my bird, but graphic design and audio are not some strengths of mine. So you have provided those for me. So I'm very grateful for that and the conversation and our friendship and all of it. It's ace to have a random stranger in Texas who I speak to every two weeks.
And just, yeah, like a safe person to be me. It's really cool. So thank you.
Laura Olsen (01:20:33.841)
Likewise and it feels so like cool to know someone in Australia that I'm like That's my buddy. He's in tomorrow. It's like one of my very favorite things to say like I have a friend in tomorrow
Rick (01:20:39.91)
you
Rick (01:20:49.883)
in tomorrow, he's in tomorrow, he's in the future. I'll tell you what it's like.
Laura Olsen (01:20:52.691)
Peace in tomorrow.
my goodness. This isn't replacing our conversation this week, is it?
I still get my Watson week. Awesome.
Rick (01:21:10.298)
Laura Olsen, thank you so much. And I look forward to more conversation.
Laura Olsen (01:21:13.651)
Thank you, Rick Watson.
Laura Olsen (01:21:17.718)
Mmm, likewise.
